I felt this way for most of my life.
I experienced two emotions most of the time: anger and fear.
I felt anger because I had the belief, “I’m powerless”.
I felt fear because unconsciously I felt that at any moment I was going to die.
Now to be fair, I did have a lot of survival strategies that made me appear to be happy.
I did smile a lot, and I loved to laugh and make jokes.
But, when I was alone and it was late at night, I’d start awake terrified of the future, or dwelling on some painful moment from the past.
I learned from Morty that it’s not what happened in the past that made me feel bad, it was what I concluded about myself, the world and other people.
Now that I eliminate all of the beliefs that are the true source of my anger and fear (suffering). I feel completely at peace and ease much more often. I also respond to people in much, much better ways!
I am happy for the FIRST time in my life.