Ask yourself that question. Do you hear a “yes” in your head? Do you feel that it is true?
Intellectually we might know that to believe this is ridiculous, or we might lie because we don’t want to appear “shallow”. But just for fun, really get honest for a moment.
I know that this was the case for me, and I would have been loathed to admit in the past because I wanted to look good to others. It was vital to me at the time that others thought well of me.
We’ll come back to that in a moment. If you answered “yes”, there are people in the world that you have determined will either increase or make you valuable. Don’t worry, you are in the company of billions give or take a thousand.
This isn’t a pleasant way to run our minds for sure. Let’s break it apart a bit
- If you think that another person either makes you valuable or increases your value, you unconsciously have created yourself as someone who needs to have your value increased or created. This all happened when you were very young and the source of your determinations about you are based on the interactions you had with your parents. It’s most likely that you have beliefs such as, “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not valuable”, etc.
- After these beliefs became part of who you are, the “I am” of you, a problem arose. How were you going to make it on this planet if you were not good enough or valuable? Your life was at risk, so you looked around to see when people were safe. The way you measured safety was based on the praise and positive feedback they received. The more positive feedback a person received, the more likely they were to survive because it seemed like other people “liked” them. We depend on others to live, especially as small children.
- In the culture I grew up in, I saw that people who joined up with certain types of other people (“fit”, “beautiful”, “smart”, “talented”, “rich”, etc.) were given praise. I concluded that those people were “valuable”, “lovable”, “good”, “worthy” and so on.
- And then when I compared myself to them and realized that they “had” (objectification, dehumanization) what I didn’t, I concluded that they were “better than me”, “smarter than me”, “more worthy than me” and so on…
- And then I felt a bunch of terrible feelings, was not nice to people, and missed out on seeing people as creators of their own lives. Sound familiar?
So where does this leave us? In a great place because fortunately Morty Lefkoe gave us the tools to free us from this prison of the mind.
First, we can eliminate all negative core beliefs such as, “I’m not worthy”, “I’m not lovable”, “I’m not good enough”, and “I’m not valuable”.
Then we can find the survival strategy beliefs that we created after we created ourselves as, “not good enough” and so on, including a belief such as, “What makes me good enough or valuable is to have a rich/beautiful/smart/successful person”.
Imagine two versions of you. One who still has beliefs like these and one for whom these beliefs are impossible. Which would you rather be?
A belief to consider as well: Is it possible anywhere inside of you that your survival is dependent on others thinking well of you? If so, how would you logically feel if people didn’t think well of you? It’s bound to happen, even to the greatest people-pleasers in the world. it would feel pretty scary right? Did you know that you can completely get rid of this fear? Wanna guess how?