One way children eventually conclude they are “always wrong” is when parents or primary caregivers never or hardly ever apologize. My parents never apologized for mistakes they obviously made. They went so far as to make it seem like I was crazy (gas lighting), or shifting blame (“I did it because you made me”) or eventually getting violent or threatening a terrible future for me if I persisted with my complaints about their behaviors.
They were living out crazy survival strategies to avoid living in a state of “blame” as far as I can tell.
I think at the root of all of this are the beliefs such as, “Mistakes and failure are bad” and “Mistakes and failure make ME bad”.
It makes sense that if a person thinks that her actions could make her “bad” she is going to come up with some crazy ways to avoid that possibility. “Bad-ness” could lead to loss of love, then loss of care, then loss of life right?
If a person feels his mistakes could lead to his death, the crazy strategies of avoiding accountability (gas lighting, blame shifting, etc.) make sense right?
People, am I making sense??
Now imagine this person becoming a parent and creating a culture of, “I’m always right, you are always wrong” with his or her children. Just one of the devastating conclusion the child will most likely make is, “I’m always wrong, others are always right”. This child will grow feeling horrible, incapable, incompetent, afraid to take risks, deferring to others and feeling like an outsider right?
They will think that have a “wrong-ness” that is as real about them as their elbows right?
Have you ever felt this way? Like everyone at a party or social event knows exactly what is going on but you don’t have a clue?
Fortunately, you can now get rid of the conclusions your reached as child if your parents behaved in the ways I described above. Are parents are not modelers or reality, they are beings living out their unconscious conclusions. Just like us!
Fortunately, you have a rare opportunity, you can get rid of all the negative conclusions you created when you were young. The steps of the process are here and other places on the big beautiful internet! Get started and get the help you need! I conclude about you that you deserve it!