Two tasks I wanted to complete today, paying a fee and purchasing a clothing item did not feel effortless. I felt some discomfort therefore I was putting it off. Knowing what I know about the Lefkoe processes, I know that the feelings did not come from two events:
- Purchasing the items
- Thinking about purchasing the items
I have often had avoidance patterns when it comes to taking action. If something doesn’t feel good to me, I often won’t do it. Since there are positive consequences for me that come from taking actions as simple as paying fees, and purchasing clothing it makes sense to me that I would want to eliminate the negative feelings right?
So what belief was driving this? After some searching this phrase popped up in my head: If I get too successful and take too many actions, I won’t get breaks or the rest I need.
What is a belief that might drive this thought? The belief that came up was: Success (getting stuff done) is constant work and stress.
Why would this make sense to me? I was raised by a father who was a workaholic and always expected us to be at his beck and call. Rest was the weak and lazy. Life was about work, work, work! Specifically, I remembered him saying negative words to me if I wasn’t doing what he expected all of the time. I saw his frowns and his sighs of disgust. Breaks and rest were indulgent according to him.
It makes sense that I would have concluded this? Yes right?
And it seemed like I could see in my dad’s actions and words that this belief existed right?
And another kid in my situation would have concluded the same right?
I, like most people, wanted my dad to be happy. So if I saw he wasn’t, I made it personal, and also made his behaviors and indication of how reality was.
Thank goodness I have the Lefkoe Belief Process to eliminate this belief. I won’t write it all out, but I’ll throw out a few alternative interpretations for my father’s behaviors and words.
- My dad may have thought so, but he was wrong?
- Maybe success or getting stuff done are just actions that have no inherent meaning, so there is no “constant work” or any other distinction attached to it?
- Maybe it was when I was a kid but not now?
I continued through the process and belief is gone. I now feel okay doing some work, taking breaks, finishing tasks, and so on. It feels like life has much more of an ebb and flow.
And, here’s the best part. Both of those task are done! Fee paid, clothes bought. Easy.
I think there are more negative beliefs related to taking actions that need eliminating, especially around making the “wrong” choice or decision, but this was a big (and small, day to day) success for today!